谢谢你，背影里的少年
我很幸运拥有完整的小学和初中时代：交心的朋友、痛快的大笑、叛逆的任性。然而，高中生活却显得有些残缺。但在那些不起眼的小事中，我慢慢明白，它其实也很完整，因为有你和那些朋友的存在。
我是个被娇惯的城市孩子，却被送到军事化管理的县城高中。仿佛一夜之间，所有的舒适与自由都消失了。没有靠背的凳子，第一个学期就把屁股坐得出血。刚开始，我和一个天津来的借读生总是被班里的女生排挤，带去的东西被偷了，趴在课桌上哭也会被嫌弃；后来，我反复逃校、不守纪律。但最终，我学会了掩盖情绪，把所有精力埋进课本里，默默与几个同样低调的朋友相处。白天的我看似平静，夜里却躺在床上，任眼泪悄悄流淌。
尽管高中生活让我难过、让我心酸，但分班后的几个朋友，还有你，让这一切变得完整起来。
谢谢你，让我的狼狈不堪的高中生活，有了一丝微光。
你的背影
分班后，我才真正认识你。我一直觉得你不爱学习，所以更好奇为什么走班时你总是坐在我前面。我坐第二排，你坐第一排。每次看着你的背影，我总忍不住想：你在想什么？
我一直觉得你挺帅的，不仅是模样，还有你那种沉默却稳重的感觉。每次经过你和你的朋友身边，我总是装作没看见，但余光里，我会悄悄留意你。无论周围多么吵闹，你总是低着头，仿佛半个你活在自己的世界里，那一刻，时间似乎都停顿了。
青涩的秘密
刚分班不久，我们班那个爱惹事的男孩神秘兮兮地对我说：“有人喜欢你，是别的班的，但我不能告诉你是谁。”当时我觉得莫名其妙，也没放在心上。那时的我，整个世界都是灰色的。即便分班后情况有所改善，我也早已把自己的心锁起来，对一切都不再好奇。
我经常看到有两个女生在走廊找你聊天，其中一个很漂亮。我猜她可能是你的女朋友。她们偶尔也坐在我旁边，主动跟我说话。虽然被她们打量时有些不自在，但她们的友好让我意外又开心——两个酷酷的女生，竟愿意和这个格格不入、常被孤立的借读生说话。
高三下半学期的一次晚饭，我和两个性格开朗的同学闲聊。A突然说，毕业后要告诉我一个秘密，B也跟着附和。我追问了五分钟，他们却始终不肯说。我便不再追问，心想：还有什么秘密能改变我的高中生活呢？但我错了。
后来我才意识到，原来他们都知道。
一次考试结束后，我蹲在走廊整理课本，你正好路过，问我需不需要帮忙。我礼貌地拒绝了。拒绝是出于礼貌，也是因为我搬得动。但更重要的是，我很害羞。我发现自己不仅总是下意识地注意你，甚至有点怕和你说话。高一时被打碎的自信和自尊心，让我连抬头看你的勇气都没有。
毕业与释怀
毕业聚会我没去。那时的我只想逃离那个灰色的地方，连最后一眼都不愿回头。我以为没人会注意到我的缺席，但后来听说，你想那天向我告白。遗憾吗？也许吧。但没去也挺好。
刚去北京上大学时，我依然是个假装合群的怪人。后来，我情绪崩溃，退学出国。在美国十多年的漂泊与成长，经历了无数的喜怒哀乐，才让我终于放下过去的不堪，找到真正的自己。虽然我们错过了青春，但我庆幸，那些秘密最终被解开了，我的回忆里有你。
我其实经常想起你的。在美国读大学时，第一次结婚时，独自来芝加哥读研时，结束第四段感情时，还有昨晚辗转难眠的时候。
我的高中生活暗淡无光，但你的存在和那些细微的小心翼翼，成了最耀眼的部分。
谢谢你，让我知道，自己值得被喜欢。尽管一切都成了过去，但你在我的心里，永远占据一个位置。
后记
我还想谢谢那个在英语老师办公室遇到我，第二天托人从教室后面传来情书的人。那封信，我曾小心翼翼地保存，只是后来，被我爸“替我保存”了。你没有给我信里许诺的圣诞礼物，但你的出现，也让我觉得当时的世界并非全然灰暗，也有人为我的存在感到高兴，也有人用心给我一个微笑。
谢谢你们，让我有个完整的青春。
Un été suédois : histoire, art et le meilleur tartare de ma vie
7 Août 2024
Je suis arrivée à Stockholm hier, et Louis m’a attendue à l’aéroport. Je l’ai vu immédiatement après être sortie du terminal.
Nous avons pris l’Arlanda Express et le métro pour aller à notre hôtel dans le centre-ville de Stockholm. L’hôtel est très beau et artistique. Il est aussi ancien, car il a été ouvert en 1647.
Nous avons dîné dans un restaurant traditionnel, Kvarnen, ouvert depuis 1908.
Notre dîner était délicieux. En entrée, nous avons pris du hareng mariné avec de l’œuf et du caviar, et une tartine de carpaccio de bœuf avec du raifort. Pour le plat, j’ai commandé un ragoût de renne, et Louis a pris des boulettes suédoises traditionnelles.
Après le dîner, nous sommes allés au musée de photographie, Fotografiska Stockholm. Nous avons vu beaucoup d’œuvres. Ma préférée était une photo de Shepard Fairey. Ce n’était pas “Eye Alert” ou “Hope,” mais “Incarnation,” une belle femme avec une grande rose rouge.
P.S. J’ai adoré le buffet du petit-déjeuner de notre hôtel : il y avait de tout, et tout était tellement frais et délicieux! 😋
Le restaurant et le bar de notre hôtel : Hotel Frantz
8 Août 2024
Nous sommes allés à Gamla Stan (la vieille ville) et au Moderna Museet (le musée d’art moderne). Gamla Stan était charmante et culturelle. Il y avait beaucoup de bâtiments anciens et colorés. La météo était merveilleuse, et nous nous sommes promenés jusqu’au Moderna Museet. Je n’ai pas aimé toutes les expositions, mais j’ai particulièrement adoré une œuvre de Maurizio Cattelan, un artiste italien. “Him,” une sculpture représentant Hitler dans un salon rouge, était très puissante.
Le dîner était chic. C’était bon, mais le service était lent. Par exemple, j’ai remarqué qu’il y avait du pain délicieux, mais le serveur ne nous en a jamais proposé! J’ai dû demander!
Avant de dormir, nous avons trouvé un film en anglais à la télé : “The Lord of the Rings 1.” C’était la première fois que je le regardais. Je n’ai pas tout compris, mais j’ai aimé regarder un film que Louis adore avec lui dans le lit. C’était un beau moment!
Au Moderna Museet:
9 Août 2024
Hier, nous avons pris un bateau pour le palais de Drottningholm, une résidence d’été pour la famille royale depuis le 17ème siècle.
Nous avons déjeuné sur le bateau, avec des vues magnifiques sur les rivières, la mer et de nombreuses petites îles.
Le palais de Drottningholm était très beau et impressionnant! Il y avait plusieurs salles, chacune avec son propre style. Ma préférée était la bibliothèque. Elle est grande, élégante et brillante, avec des couleurs blanches et dorées.
Les jardins étaient très beaux et très grands. Nous avons exploré les différents jardins et un petit bâtiment intéressant, le pavillon chinois. C’était un cadeau du roi à la reine au 17ème siècle. Chaque salle avait une décoration chinoise unique.
Pour dîner, nous sommes allés à Prinsen, un restaurant traditionnel dans un quartier chic. J’ai adoré! Les plats, les serveurs, les autres clients, l’ambiance… tout était parfait! J’ai pris “le trésor du vieil homme” en entrée. Il y avait six sortes de poissons et crevettes, des petites pommes de terre, du fromage et du pain, mon préféré!
10 Août 2024
Il y a plus de 50 musées à Stockholm. Hier, nous en avons visité trois.
D’abord, nous avons commencé par le Spritmuseum, un musée qui explore la culture de la boisson en Suède. Nous avons découvert une exposition fantastique: Absolut Statehood. 51 artistes ont créé des œuvres mettant en valeur leur état ou région tout en intégrant Absolut vodka. Toutes les œuvres étaient fabuleuses!
Nous avons pris un verre au restaurant du musée et découvert un snack merveilleux: “Crisps and Dip.” Ce sont des chips servies avec des œufs de poisson, des échalotes, des oignons verts et du beurre râpé. Tout était parfaitement équilibré!
Et puis, nous sommes allés au musée ABBA. Avant de rencontrer Louis, je ne connaissais pas bien ABBA, mais maintenant, je les adore. Ma partie préférée était le film d’introduction. C’était très impactant!
Finalement, nous avons visité le musée Vasa. Ce musée conserve le seul navire entièrement intact du 17ème siècle jamais récupéré : le Vasa, un navire de guerre avec 64 canons qui a coulé juste après avoir quitté le port lors de son voyage inaugural en 1628.
Pour le dîner, nous avons découvert un restaurant créatif, Black Milk Gastro Bar. Chaque plat était original et délicieux. Mon préféré était le steak tartare, servi avec de l’huile de truffe, des amandes et de la mayonnaise. C’était le meilleur steak tartare que j’ai jamais mangé!
Le Dîner de Black Milk Gastro Bar and Hotel Frantz :
11 Août 2024
C’est le dernier jour de notre voyage, et c’est le “shopping and relaxing day” !
Après notre retour à Chicago, c'était notre deuxième anniversaire de rencontre!
Castaway Diva - Thoughts and Quotes
我不知道我能不能在无人的荒岛上生活15年，但在普通的世界生活15年又何尝简单呢？作为一个很乐观的人，我其实觉得活下来是最大的勇气。话说的可能比较极端，也可以说，我们这些活着且清醒的人去做一件事、去面对各式各样的人、去反复否定又接受这个世界有没有意义等等，都经常需要勇气。人活着要的就是一口精气神儿，去享受所有的好事与坏事，去感受各种各样奇妙的情绪，去爱和被爱，去守住身边自己爱和爱自己的人。这是我喜欢这部剧的原因。
剧里有一些说的很好的台词，至少现在作为30岁的我很喜欢，记下来了。
“撑过台风吧，创造奇迹吧。要有惊人的毅力啊！”
“就算十年后仍然一事无成，我做了十年自己最喜欢的事，多好啊！“
”失败是成功之母，就算失败了，多了一位母亲是件多好的事啊。“
”愿望不会立马实现，也不会在你想要的时候实现，而是会慢慢实现。“
《Until the end》- 木禾在“垃圾桶”里找到的歌，她可是听了所有的歌啊。她把这首歌修改的很美，在展示会上演唱，歌词和旋律都很轻快开心，唱到心里去了。
작은 가방 하나 메고 背着一个小背包
구름 따라 걷는 길 跟着云朵的脚步，启程上路
파란 하늘 덮고 누워 枕着蓝色的天空，躺了下来
춤추는 나무와 노래해 和跳着舞的树木一起唱歌
저기 위에 떠가는 구름이 从上方飘过了大片云彩
곧 비를 내려도 就算马上会开始下雨
뭐 어때 상관없어 那又怎样呢？没关系的
막 구부러진 길 经过蜿蜒曲折的道路
또 오르막길 又是另一段上坡路
그 어디라도 걸어갈래 无论在哪里，我都想这样走下去
Until The End 直到尽头
그곳에 숨겨진 就算隐藏在那个地方
보물 따위는 없어도 돼 什么宝物也没有，那也没关系
사실 그건 那个其实呀
지금 내가 걷는 이 길에 我正在前行的这条路上
뿌려져 있거든 早已铺满了璀璨宝石
하얀 마음들을 적어 写下那些纯白的心意
종이 배를 접어 띄워 折成纸船，让它自由漂流
저곳 어딘가에 닿아 抵达那个地方的某处
그곳도 하얘지기를 将那里也染成一片洁白
저기 위에 떠가는 구름이 从上方飘过了大片云彩
바람을 던져도 就算抛下这阵风
뭐 어때 상관없어 那又怎样呢？没关系的
막 구부러진 길 经过蜿蜒曲折的道路
또 오르막길 又是另一段上坡路
그 어디라도 걸어갈래 无论在哪里，我都想这样走下去
Until The End 直到尽头
그곳에 숨겨진 就算隐藏在那个地方
보물 따위는 없어도 돼 什么宝物也没有，那也没关系
사실 그건 那个其实呀
지금 내가 걷는 이 길에 我正在前行的这条路上
뿌려져 있거든 早已铺满了璀璨宝石
풀잎 하나 들꽃마저 连一小片的草叶野花
햇살을 담은 아름다운 거리 都盛满阳光的美丽街道
어두워질 때 더 빛나는 별빛들 天黑时，反而更闪亮的星光
내 머리 위로 비춰 주며 따라와 照耀在我头顶上方，跟着我来吧
Until The End 直到尽头
그곳에 숨겨진 就算隐藏在那个地方
보물 따위는 없어도 돼 什么宝物也没有，那也没关系
사실 그건 那个其实呀
지금 내가 걷는 이 길에 我正前行的这条路上
Until the end 直到尽头
무지개를 타고, babe 乘着彩虹
구름 위에 언덕을 넘어 越过云霄上层层山坡
마법 같은 하루를 如魔法般的一天
선물해 줄 거야, yeah 会成为送给你的礼物
나랑 같이 가지 않을래? 你要和我一起去嗎？
下面这些是在网上看到好台词，也不错：
”迫切地期盼，总有一天，会以从未想过的方式实现。“
”如果一直担心接下来的事，那到最后反而会有更多的后悔。“
”什么都不做的话，终究会死的。“
”你走进了我的人生，时机很刚好，你就像我的冰桶。“
”世界上最委屈的事，就是没能表达出来的心意。“
”别用一百分的力气，至少留下一份的力气，不然你会感到窒息。“
”本来人就是会把气出在最善良、最好欺负的人身上。“
”就算祈祷也不会出现奇迹，但还是会这么做，因为这样才会有坚持下去的动力。“
A Horsie Named “Donkey”
There was a little horse with a round belly and short legs, only capable of swaying back and forth as he walked.
People often mistook him for a donkey, which left him feeling somewhat speechless.
With puffed cheeks and drooping eyes, he had come to accept being called a donkey.
One day, he met a little girl with short hair and round eyes, resembling him with her chubby cheeks and a cute tummy.
She had a bright, shiny pink hairpin in her hair, looking truly beautiful.
At first glance, the girl instantly took a liking to the little horse.
"Oh, so you're a horse," she approached the little horse.
"But you look like a donkey, hehe."
"Well, in that case, I'll call you Donkey!"
She embraced the little horse, affectionately stroking his head and gently patting his belly, her smile becoming even more radiant.
The little horse's eyes suddenly brightened, taking on a gentle curve as he felt a happiness he had never experienced before.
He lowered his head to look at his round belly and, for the first time, found himself quite adorable.
一匹名叫“驴”的小马
有一匹小马，他的肚子又圆又大，腿又短又粗，每次走路都摇摇摆摆的。
常常有人误以为他是只驴，他总是默默无语。脸颊鼓胀，眼睛低垂。
反正，就算别人叫他驴，他也不在意了。
有一天，他遇到了一个短头发圆眼睛的小女孩，就像他一样，有着胖嘟嘟的脸颊。女孩头上夹着一个亮闪闪的粉色发夹，看起来真漂亮。
“哦，原来你是马啊。” 她走近小马。
“不过你看起来有点像驴呢，呵呵。”
“那好吧，我就叫你‘驴’吧！”
她把小马拥到怀里，喜欢地摸摸他的头，轻轻拍了拍他的肚子，笑容愈发灿烂。
小马的眼睛一下子亮了起来，变得温柔弯曲，感受到了前所未有的幸福。
他低头看看自己圆圆的肚子，这是他第一次也觉得自己很可爱。
坐在三轮摩托车上兜风
小时候生病的时候爸爸妈妈抱着我慢慢地摇来摇去，一直唱着 “小燕子，穿花衣，年年春天来这里，我问燕子你为啥来？燕子说：‘这里的春天最美丽！‘”
夏天的傍晚，爸爸下班后骑着边三轮摩托车载着我去买菜，无论多贵爸爸都会买我爱吃的大虾，买完菜我们骑车穿过狭窄的街道，我坐在侧边的挎斗里享受着迎面出来的暖风，开心地和路上遇见的邻居爷爷奶奶打招呼。那一刻，爸爸和我仿佛是整条街道最酷的两个人。
八岁的时候，夏天一个人去上美术课，走过车来车往的南京路，顶着烈日爬很长很长的台阶，在老师家画一整天的画，中午泡一盒康师傅红烧牛肉面，香喷喷地吃着面和高中的哥哥姐姐们聊天，下午终于画完后我都会兴奋的一路小跑回家，带着我临摹的梵高或雷诺阿，来不及要给爸爸妈妈看。
小学的时候，睡前妈妈会陪我读英语，她比我学得快，所以都是妈妈先学会，然后她先说一句然后我跟着重复一句。有时候我累了，会在妈妈的朗读中睡着。现在妈妈在老年大学学英语，换我来帮她读课文，一句一句通过微信语音信息，穿过太平洋和十三个小时，让妈妈听到。
喜欢过年的原因很多，其中一条是过年前都要买新衣服，大年初一一定要从头到尾穿新的衣服。我和爸爸妈妈过年前的几个周末都会去中山路逛街，中午来顿肯德基，我开心得不得了。大年初一的早上，我会早早醒来，兴奋地穿上自己崭新的衣服，迫不及待地要出门见邻居和亲戚拜年，展示我的新衣服。这身新衣服的喜悦可以持续一整个春天。
刚有电脑的时候，我和爸爸妈妈会一起凑在电脑前看铁齿铜牙纪晓岚，一集接一集得笑不停，看到错过睡觉时间，很晚的时候三个人才会恋恋不舍地去睡觉。好久没和爸爸妈妈看电视了。
夏天晚上洗完澡后，全家一人一根雪糕。每年夏天我家都去批发雪糕，几乎每天都吃。每一种雪糕都有好像独特的记忆，哪个是在小花园跳皮筋时吃的，哪个是我妈最爱吃的，那个是邻居娘娘推荐的，绿舌头，小咖啡，奶砖，红豆棒… 每个都吃得没心没肺。
今天早上醒来突然很想和我爸一起去街道里的早市买油条豆浆，可现在我身边没有我爸，楼下也没有油条豆浆。
The Razor’s Edge
The book that made me cry on an airplane. One of my two favorite books. Have you ever read a book that made your heart feel an overwhelming sense of belonging? Here are some parts from the books that I loved while reading and wrote down.
Death ends all thing and so is the comprehensive conclusion of a story, but marriage finished it very properly too and the sophisticated are ill-advised to sneer at what is by convention termed a happy ending.
The dead looks terribly dead when they’re dead.
“Perhaps whatever it is that happened to him during the war has left him with a restlessness that is won’t let him be. Don’t you think he may be pursuing an ideal that is hidden in a cloud of unknowing—like an astronomer looking for a star that only a mathematical calculation tells him exists?”
“He gives me such an odd impression sometimes; he gives the impression of a sleep-walker who’s suddenly wakened in a strange place and can’t think where he is.”
Solitude, and an air so pure that it goes to your head like wine and you feel like a million dollars.
“What would happen to America if everyone shirked as you’re shirking?”
“You’re very severe, honey,” he smiled. “The answer to that is that everyone doesn’t feel like me. Fortunately for themselves, perhaps most people are prepared to follow the normal course; what you forget is that I want to learn as passionately as—Gary, for instance, wants to make pots of money.”
(Lin: there is the same thing in the moon and sixpence)
“I wish I could make you see how exciting the life of the spirit is and how rich in experience. It’s illimitable. It’s such a happy life. There’s only one thing like it, when you’re up in a plane by yourself, high, high, and only infinity surrounds you. You’re intoxicated by the boundless space. You feel such a sense of exhilaration that you wouldn’t exchange it for all the power and glory on the world. I was reading Descartes the other day. The ease, the grace, the lucidity. Gosh!”
… and they talked so brightly, with so much conviction that what they were saying was worth saying, that you almost thought they were talking sense.
“… there are men who are possessed by an urge so strong to do some particular thing that they can’t help themselves, they’ve got to do it. They’re prepared to sacrifice everything to satisfy their yearning.”
“Even the people who love them?”
“Oh, yes”
“Is that anything more than plain selfishness?”
“I wouldn’t know.” I smile.
It’s a toss-up when you decide to leave the beaten track. Many are called but few are chosen.
“He said that the world isn’t a creation, for out of nothing nothing comes; but a manifestation of the eternal nature; well, that was all right, but then he added that evil is as direct a manifestation of the divine as good.”
“I’ve always said that eight was the perfect number,” said Elliott, determined to look on the bright side of things. “It’s intimate enough to permit of general conversation and yet large enough to give the impression of a party.”
He greeted me with pleasant cordiality and indeed seemed as glad to see me as if I were an old friend, but I had the impression that his rather noisy heartiness was a habit of manner that scarcely corresponded with his inner feeling.
And now, as thought she had sought to catch a sunbeam in her hand and it slipped through her fingers as she grasped, she was a trifle dismayed.
Unless love is passion, it’s not love, but something else; and passion thrives not on satisfaction, but on impediment.
Passion is destructive. It destroyed Anthony and Cleopatra, Tristan and Isolde, Parnell and Kitty O’shea. And if it doesn’t destroy it dies.
In business sharp practice sometimes succeeds, but in art honest is not only the best but the only policy.
“I very nearly fell in love with him myself once. You might as well fall in love with a reflection in the water or a ray of sunshine or a cloud in the sky. I had a narrow escape. Even now when I think of it I tremble at the danger I ran.”
“I strove with none, for none was worth my strive.
Nature I loved, and, next to Nature, Art;
I warmed both hands before the fire of Life;
It sinks, and I’m ready to depart.”
“… self-sacrifice is a passion so overwhelming that besides it even lust and hunger are trifling.”
I think he’s been seeking for a philosophy, or maybe a religion, and a rule of life that’ll satisfy both his head and his heart.
(To be continued…)
The Moon and Six Pence
The Moon and Six Pence is one of my two favorite books (the other one is The Razor’s Edge also by Maugham). I read it in one sitting during a beautiful summer trip visiting Cadaqués in Spain and many towns in the south of France - an absolute heavenly experience. Here are some quotes I wrote down during reading.
“Look here, if everyone acted like you, the world couldn’t go on”
“That’s a damned silly thing to say”
It was a night so beautiful that your soul seemed hardly able to bear the prison of the body.
Art is a manifestation of emotion, and emotion speaks a language that all may understand.
It is not difficult to be unconventional in the eyes of the world when your unconventionality is but the convention of your set. It affords you then an inordinate amount of self-esteem. You have the self-satisfaction of courage without the inconvenience of danger.
Beauty is something wonderful and strange that the artist fashions out of the chaos of the world in the torment of his soul. And when he has made it, it is not given to all to know it. To recognize it you must repeat the adventure of the artist. It is a melody that he sings to you, and to hear it again in your own heart you want knowledge and sensitiveness and imagination.
Each one of us is alone in the world. He is shut in a tower of brass, and can communicate with his fellows only by signs, and the signs have no common value, so that their sense is vague and uncertain. We seek pitifully to convey to others the treasures of our heart, but they have not the power to accept them, and so we go lonely, side by side but not together, unable to know our fellows and unknown by them. We are like people living in a country whose language they know so little that, with all manner of beautiful and profound things to say, they are condemned to the banalities of the conversation manual. Their brain is seething with ideas, and they can only tell you that the umbrella of the gardener's aunt is in the house.
I do not know what infinite yearning possesses you, so that you are driven to a perilous, lonely search for some goal where you expect to find a final release from the spirit that torments you. I see you as the eternal pilgrim to some shrine that perhaps does not exist. I do not know to what inscrutable Nirvana you aim. Do you know yourself? Perhaps it is Truth and Freedom that you seek, and for a moment you thought that you might find release in Love.
I have an idea that some men are born out of their due place. Accident has cast them amid certain surroundings, but they have always a nostalgia for a home they know not. They are strangers in their birthplace, and the leafy lanes they have known from childhood or the populous streets in which they have played, remain but a place of passage. They may spend their whole lives aliens among their kindred and remain aloof among the only scenes they have ever known. Perhaps it is this sense of strangeness that sends men far and wide in the search for something permanent, to which they may attach themselves. Perhaps some deep-rooted atavism urges the wanderer back to lands which his ancestors left in the dim beginnings of history. Sometimes a man hits upon a place to which he mysteriously feels that he belongs. Here is the home he sought, and he will settle amid scenes that he has never seen before, among men he has never known, as though they were familiar to him from his birth. Here at last he finds rest.
我的世界，我的星空宇宙
闭上眼睛
是只属于我自己一个人的宇宙
浩瀚无穷的天际
倍感熟悉的深邃
温暖地包裹着我
星光闪烁，好像是这个宇宙的呼吸
与我的呼吸节拍应和
好快活，好自由
这个宇宙与尘世分离
分离得彻彻底底、干干净净
这里是我千万思绪的归属
是我作为一个存在的唯一意义
只要闭上眼睛
就能看见我的星空宇宙
就知道我的世界还在
<3
How Yishi Survived (Again) — A Brief Fundraising Story
As an entrepreneur, I often get asked what challenges I’m faced with, and sometimes, if my business has almost died before. There have always been challenges since I launched my business two years ago – the pandemic, supply chain disruptions, ingredient shortages due to a rare drought and an ongoing war, an economy that flipped overnight, a cold funding environment, and now bank run fears. Being a small business owner has certainly not been easy, but those challenges never scared me, and I never thought my business could die, until August last year.
In August, I started our second round of fundraising as planned, to raise $1.5M to extend our runway. Knowing that the private capital market was tightening, I felt some stress but remained optimistic because I thought that early-stage investment might remain relatively resilient and that the good relationships I had with existing and interested investors would make this round quick and easy.
Oh, how naive I was.
This round could not have been slower and more difficult: the passionate interest from investors turn to “a conservative strategy”, the cross-sector investors went back to stick with their own sectors (mostly tech), and the investors that committed $1.5M and turn cold feet last minute before signing the document. It was obvious—everyone was nervous about a confusing future or even faced financial challenges. I was able to raise a fraction of the initial goal over the course of three months, during incredibly busy daily nitty-gritty and exhausting travels to trade shows and conferences, and the fundraising difficulty was only getting stronger as time went on.
Mid-November, I was under deep stress. As the only person responsible for fundraising, it was my job to get new capital to cover our high cash burn (even though it was reducing) of over $100K per month. We would run out of money soon.
I felt stuck. I felt hopeless to close the funding deficit before the holiday season (investment is usually quiet from November to January) and our cash reserve will be depleted by January. What’s more, I hated the idea of telling my team that I couldn’t raise money. We had a team of ten employees who were passionate and loyal. We see each other as family and the company is the baby of all of us. How can I fail their trust?
After depleting every investor lead, I put together all my courage and made a difficult, but I believed the right decision to aggressively cut costs. With the support of my co-founder and investors, I first talked to my team, explaining our business performance (even though we were growing, some of the challenges we went through did financial damage), fundraising progress, and finally, the decision to lay off employees. I had one-on-one meetings with every team member. There were tears, confusion, and deep frustration; but they were all understanding and express trust in me and the remaining team to continue our mission. After laying off half of the team in December, we further cut SG&A expenses such as our downtown office, some nice-to-have software tools, and any non-core marketing activities.
These changes saved us. We were able to keep the light on, keep shipping products to retailers, and we even launched new products and made strategic improvements to our products and supply chain. Most amazingly, we are on the path to profitability and our top line continues to grow at an accelerating pace. It was only six months ago when we were on the verge of shutting down the business. Well, we survived another challenge, and I will be ready for the next one!
This morning, I was reading about all the SVB-related fiascos and saw a closing comment from a WSJ journalist: no one saw it coming. That’s not an answer or a solution; always being prepared and acting quickly is. Never feel comfortable, and maybe you will never be surprised.
黑色的、灰色的、彩色的一天
从来没觉得自己吃过苦
每天都活得满满当当
黑色的、灰色的、彩色的天都有个
但无论是什么天
过一晚再睁开眼，就能看到远处的一缕曙光
但就在深夜关灯前的一个瞬间
看了一眼自己在这个出租房搬弄的小家具
和挂在门后错乱搭配的睡衣睡裤
突然想起他们在每个城市呆过的故事
这些黑色的、灰色的、彩色的故事
就像放电影一样
在我眼前一幕幕飞过
从山东到北京
从北京到美国
一路的折腾，一路的倔强
在自我探索中会时而迷茫
在爱与不爱间也哭哭笑笑
仿佛这睡衣睡裤默默地承载了这一路所有的苦乐
仿佛关灯前的这一刻
他们突然告诉我
原来这一路吃了很多的苦啊
爱我的人也吃了很多的苦啊
我只能继续前行
更努力地去爱
爱是温暖的、是强大的
在爱面前，无论是什么天
苦也都让我觉得很甜
Dear Louis
Dear Louis,
Oh my, how did I get this lucky to have met you?
You have the kindest eyes, lips, and soul
Every warm breath you take
Every gentle word you say
Every intimate hug you give me
Followed by a soft kiss, a long playful nose rub, giggles, and seeing my own reflection in your clear, loving eyes
Every good morning text animated with a heart balloon or full-screen eggs
Every sparkle in your eyes when you see I’m sad
Every silly laugh we shared and forget the next minute
All of these make me fall deeper and deeper in love with you
In our two-person bubble
I feel so safe to take off my makeup completely
To forget my name and
Embrace all of the emotions and questions that are exploding inside me
We will have many more fond moments together
We will paint together
Read in the sun together
Walk the alleyways of Seville together
Dance to 80s Chinese pop songs, or your favorite Italian rap, while pasta is cooking
Go on weekend “grocery tours” just like you did in Paris as a child
Work hard, side by side, on our jobs, hobbies, real and surreal dreams
And kiss more
Lips and Eskimo
Till the butterflies wake up and fly out to dance in the brightest sunshine
Life has no meaning unless one lives it with a will, Gauguin said
Did I tell you that you inspire me every day to search for my will?
Happy Valentine’s, my love <3
Forever Yours,
Lin
Crossing Half of China to Sleep with You
I love poems. I’m sharing one of my favorite Chinese poems with you today, in both English and Chinese. Enjoy.
Crossing Half of China to Sleep with You
— Written by Yu Xiuhua, originally translated by Ming Di and edited by me
To sleep with you or to be slept with, what’s the difference if there’s any?
Two bodies collide – the force, the flower pushed open by the force
The spring mirage in the flowering – nothing more than this
And this we mistake as life restarting.
Across China, things are happening:
Volcanoes erupting, rivers running dry
Political prisoners and displaced workers forgotten
Elk deer and red-crowned cranes shot
I cross the hail of bullets to sleep with you
I press many nights into one morning to sleep with you
I run across many of me and many of me run into one to sleep with you
Yet I can be misled by butterflies of course
And mistake praise as spring
A village like Hengdian as home. But all these
All of these are absolutely indispensable reasons that I sleep with you
(Note: Hengdian is a film studio town in China)
穿过大半个中国去睡你
— 余秀华
其实，睡你和被你睡是差不多的，无非是
两具肉体碰撞的力，无非是这力催开的花朵
无非是这花朵虚拟出的春天让我们误以为生命被重新打开
大半个中国，什么都在发生：火山在喷，河流在枯
一些不被关心的政治犯和流民
一路在枪口的麋鹿和丹顶鹤
我是穿过枪林弹雨去睡你
我是把无数的黑夜摁进一个黎明去睡你
我是无数个我奔跑成一个我去睡你
当然我也会被一些蝴蝶带入歧途
把一些赞美当成春天
把一个和横店类似的村庄当成故乡
而它们
都是我去睡你必不可少的理由
Do You Believe In Stitch Fix?
Stitch Fix has been in the headlines a lot in the past two years. A few weeks ago, on January 5, Stitch Fix announced that it will cut 20% of the company’s salaried jobs, its second downsizing in the past year and that its founder Katrina Lake would return to lead the personal shopping and styling service.
What does Stitch Fix do?
Stitch Fix is a personal styling service that uses data science to personalize clothing items. By paying a monthly styling fee, customers fill out their styling profiles online and a Stitch Fix stylist chooses five items to send them. Once received, the customer has three days to choose which items are worth keeping and which ones to return. If the customer keeps all five items, she gets 25% off the total cost.
A few news articles that can provide context:
The Unraveling of Stitch Fix (WSJ, Jan 25, 2023)
Stitch Fix to Cut 20% of Salaried Jobs, CEO Stepping Down (WSJ, Jan 5, 2023)
A brief history of StitchB2 Fix: how a personal styling service merged fashion with data (B2, Nov 10, 2020)
Stitch Fix shares retreat after IPO pop, close at $15.15 (CNBC, Nov 17, 2017)
I have not always followed Stitch Fix, because as someone who rarely spends money on clothing or shops online, I don’t truly understand Stitch Fix’s mission and market, and I don’t know anyone that is actually using its service or that even mentioned Stitch Fix on social media or directly to me. However, after learning about the company's history, I have a few observations and thoughts.
1. Shifting consumer trends.
Consumer behaviors and preferences are always changing. How, and to what extent, a company reacts to these changes is another topic. But this makes me wonder if Stich Fix was born out of a trend too and if its subscription-based, “data science-based” styling model has a limited market that seems to be declining these days.
According to this WSJ podcast, after finding success in women’s apparel, Stitch Fix expanded into Men and Children – neither succeeded and they are faced with a lot of excessive inventories that they actually own.
Another question I have is that if the world is truly moving to an increasingly environmentally-conscious future, will e-commerce eventually decline? What do the investors that invest in both food delivery and sustainability think about their contradictory natures? How does that affect personal travel? I’m not proposing aggressive changes. I’m just thinking about the good and the bad that all the changes or revolutions brought to our society and the people – e.g. Amazon Go stores don’t mark down the products even though they don’t incur as much labor expenses as traditional stores. Where did the extra profit go and did it make our lives better?
Something that I believe never changes in the consumer world: the mass market, most people that are not the 1%, always care for value. Good products, low price – that’s always a winning strategy.
2. Is Stitch Fix’s data science positioning a solid part of their business model?
“Stitch Fix claimed to track body dimensions, pattern preferences, and which clothing customers kept. They could also compare customer data to track patterns and similarities. With all of this info, Stitch Fix was able to deliver very accurate predictions.” Fundamentally, I believe that data science presents a historical picture and should be used simply as a reference, instead of as a sole input, for future predictions. Saying that these data provide very accurate predictions is a red flag. I have watched a retail data science startup fail closely – they had many issues, but one major issue that I questioned was is what they were building truly that much more valuable than all the priority data that retailers and brands have and the public data out there. What additional, critical insights can they provide that answer any unanswered questions?
As of July 30, last year, the company had about 7,920 full- and part-time employees, including about 3,400 stylists and 3,100 fulfillment-center workers. When a company is positioned as a data science and tech company, why do they still have many stylists? To me, they sound like a tech-forward retailer - which is what Stitch Fix aims to replace.
3. Startup companies need to be rigorous and cautious about what they say.
“In 2018, a number of class action lawsuits were filed against Stitch Fix, claiming the company violated federal securities laws by making misleading statements about its prospects for growth, plans for advertising on television, and overall profit. The class action complaints were filed on behalf of company shareholders. That June, the company announced that the client base had grown by 30% in Q3. However, the next quarterly report in October revealed that its client base had only grown by 25%.” Stitch Fix won the case in 2022 because the judge believed that the statements were broad and not misleading.
A reminder, after watching Stitch Fix go through this legal battle, is that founders and startup companies need to be rigorous and cautious about what they say, even though it might not be in their nature. Lies, once created, tend to pile up. We do not need another Sam Bankman-Fried or Charlie Javice.
4. Leadership seems to be a serious problem.
Read what the employees are saying on Glassdoor about senior management in the past year under Elizabeth Spaulding’s leadership:
“Horrible C-level management, Low accountability”
“CEO is not qualified to run a tech company, makes bad decisions, and talks like she's trying gaslight the company”
“CEO is a deeply insecure career salesperson from consulting; she is completely unqualified to lead the company and resists self reflection on every opportunity”
“CEO has created many toxic dynamics/politics at the company”
“Before Eric, Brad, Mike, and Katrina left, this organization was influential and impactful. Each month, another high level departure is announced, and with it, the org goes further downhill. The most obvious problem is the terrible management. The management issues are so bad that they are now referred to out in the open during all-hands by Data Scientists. We've recently had two entire teams leave the company of their own volition because things are insufferable. Levels make no sense, managers are incapable of feedback, and most ppl in leadership got there via politics. Now they are asking data scientists to make dashboards, and they ignore the experiment results because they're obsessed with pushing garbage features to look like we are making progress. It's a real shame. Look at the attrition and ask yourself why.”
I do not know much about Spaulding. She seems to be a capable strategist - she is a former partner at consulting firm Bain; she joined Stitch Fix as president in early 2020 and took over as CEO in August 2021. But there is obviously a problem.
Was the leadership transition too fast? What are the reasons why Lake handed her baby to Spaulding? Would Lake be able to save the downward trajectory of Stitch Fix? We will see.
5. The stock price has been declining after its pandemic surge.
According to CNBC, Stitch Fix’s few venture-capital investors include Baseline Ventures and Benchmark Capital, which invested in the company at a $300 million valuation in 2014.
When Stitch Fix went IPO in 2017, they had an opening price of $16.90, valuing the company at roughly $1.63 billion.
In January 2021, stock price peaked at about $100 per share due to the pandemic e-comm boom.
Yesterday (Friday, Jan 27, 2023), its stock closed at $4.94 with the market cap being $547.39 M.
What a fun ride. I'm curious about when Stitch Fix’s pre-IPO investors and its leadership sold their stock, if they did.
If You’re a Wine Nerd, Watch This Documentary
A Year in Burgundy - this documentary is free to watch on a lot of platforms. If you’re a wine nerd like me, you will enjoy it thoroughly.
This documentary, written and directed by David Kennard, walks you through a full year of the wine making process in Burgundy, along with the history, culture, and people of Burgundy. It plays out in the order of four seasons, starting with Spring. The wines/ grapes covered in the film are of course Pinot Noir and Chardonnay since they’re Burgundy’s main grapes. Many wine making practices mentioned in the film are common old-world practices, such as fermenting whole clusters instead of destemmed grapes.
What you will learn and hopefully enjoy:
How local wine makers (often families who have run their vineyards for hundreds of years) see, create, and respect wine and its culture
Agriculture basics around working with vines and wine grapes
Technical and creative perspectives to wine making processes at different wineries
A bit about Burgundy’s history, fun facts, and local celebrations. E.g., do you know that Christianity saved local wine making after the Roman empire collapsed and the monks made observant notes and built storage caves that are still used today? I love Napa too but the historical and cultural depth of the old world holds a special place in my heart.
What I enjoyed the most, besides the technical knowledge, is understanding how these wine makers respect nature and appreciate life and its cycle. At the end of the film, you may feel you are acquiring a new perspective on life by immersing yourself in the life of a vine.
Some good quotes:
Yesterday I spent the whole afternoon in my vines. Yes, of course, I know my vines! When they don't see me they're unhappy. When I arrive, they're happy. I really love my vines. Vines are not well understood. You have to put yourself in their place. You have to understand why they're not doing well. You have to be part of the life of the vine. This was said by Lalou Bize-Leroy, one of the most powerful women in wine.
A vine has to suffer...to make good grapes - referring to weather’s impact on vines and grapes.
They all used to have their own character, like human beings. But progress is pushing all of us to make the same kind of wine - referring to the increasingly automated, science-based modern wine making process.
If this documentary sounds too dry, or if you’re only interested in wine tasting, I recommend the Somm series (3 documentaries from 2012-2018), which is more entertaining, emotional, and relevant to our daily life.
I only started learning about the technical aspect of wine making and tasting last year because of my personal interest. I have always loved wine, from knowing nothing to studying wine books after a whole day of work and my evening finance class. In the past decade, sometimes I was sober-curious and sometimes I was drinking 1-2 glasses every day just to wind down at the end of the day. Now I have built a good and consistent habit of drinking in moderation, a habit I completely enjoy so it’s sustainable. I don’t think about drinking at all when I get too busy or simply don’t want to drink.
Wine has become just something I truly appreciate from the bottom of my heart to the tip of my tongue, and it brings me so much joy to learn about all the details behind its making. I hope you enjoy it too!
家人
刚刚在路上看到了看到一家中国人，有个男的和爸爸长得几乎一摸一样，都一样身材、动作，我一下子好想走过去，再好好看看，就算不是我的爸爸 我也想走近点再好好看看。一转头眼泪就忍不住掉下来了。
昨晚和姥姥姥爷视频，他们一直都在家里呆着防范疫情，现在大家都阳了他们更要小心。姥姥姥爷通过手机看到我很开心，他们看起来挺乐观的，但是也开玩笑问我什么时候回去，再不回去就看不到他们了。可是我们都知道，就算我现在回去也不能见他们，现在他们在家防护谁都不能见。我们的计划是先等到清明节，看看医疗状况怎么样。
昨晚我一直在想，万一我看不到他们怎么办，那我拼搏的目的是什么？我的梦想，跟我想见家人一面相比，简直微不足道。
Inside the Sudden Rise of China’s Mysterious $15 Billion Fast Fashion Retailer - Shein
I read some stories about Shein's success, at least marketing and financial-wise, on Dec 13, 2022, when there was news about Shein exploring the online marketplace business model. I’m not sharing my opinions of whether the potential business model would work for them in this blog article (that could be another article), or whether we should boycott Shein because of its negative environmental impact and controversial working conditions.
Today I want to share my initial learnings on their lightning-speed business success.
Here are two helpful articles. I especially enjoyed reading the Wired one.
Fast, cheap, and Out of Control: Inside Shein’s Sudden Rise (Wired, May 2022)
Shein: Is China’s Mysterious $15 Billion Fast Fashion Retailer Ready For Stores? (Forbes, Feb 2021)
My high-level takeaways: Growth drivers: Product + Channel (maybe + Master of Consumer Behavior)
Products that the target market wants (the competitive advantage can be low price, technology, or economy of scale, for us - Yishi’s founding story) +
Channels, of both sales and marketing, that are mainstream and can scale fast in a relatively low-touch way.
Some smaller, specific notes:
Mid-size influencers are their influencer marketing sweet spot now but they started with small influencers and used a site called Lookbook.nu to find small-time influencers in the US and Europe and started sending them free clothing.
SEO helped early days too
Low working capital: "only when an item began selling did they place a small bulk order with a given wholesaler."
Software and automation make they work better and faster - their decision-making process, product optimization, loss cutting are all faster
"Under an international agreement, it often costs less to ship small packages from China to the US than from other countries, or even from within the US itself."
Overall, its business model is unique and may not be the "role model" business by all standards, but I do think there are many things we can learn from its success to date.
I hope you find something useful in Shein’s story.
One Of Silicon Valley's Most Powerful VCs Says This Recession Will Resemble 2000, Not 2008 | Forbes
Watch the full view here.
The headline is a bit misleading – the interview is not about Theresia Gouw’s economic predictions; it’s more about her insights on how she has grown her career, working as a female tech investor in Silicon Valley, and how she balances her career and life. She also shares advice for female entrepreneurs and early-career females and her comments on the near-term startup fundraising environment.
Some of my quick takeaways:
She believes the fundamental points that enable the American dream because of her family’s and personal journey. (I believe that the American dream still lives too.)
She learned about more career options as she advances in her education and career; and she made new career decisions courageously, leveraging the resources and assets that she accumulates over time, to pursue what she loves to do now.
Becoming an entrepreneur is you betting on yourself, which may sound scary but it’s the most informed bet with calculated risks. (To me, it’s the safest bet.)
She gives a fairly honest comment about trying to fit in a male-dominated industry in her early career and shares a healthy perspective on focusing on the positives and advantageous opportunities women have (e.g., females may leave a stronger impression at a tech trade show).
Lastly, I think there’s a lot to learn from the interviewer, Maggie McGrath, too – the way she portrayed herself is professional, friendly, and intelligent and empathetic.
Overall, it’s an inspiring interview that I recommend other women to watch, whether they are in the startup world or not.
Enjoy!